The Reservoir

I was out for a walk last night. Went past a high level loch.
The surface was stirring restlessly, not by wind but inner turbulence.
I knew that this was where we got our water and air from.
Somehow that made sense.
In fact I shouted it out loud and woke myself up.

A Thick Neck

I looked in the mirror and saw that my neck had thickened up considerably. Sort of Cardassian thickness if you know what I mean.
Also a row of ridges was growing down the front of my forehead, Klingon style.
I seemed to be morphing into a Next Generation baddie.
All needed was to be part of The Collective with a smattering of Ferengi.
What went wrong.

Global Warming

Heavy rain last night, flooding all around. I got son C to dig a drainage ditch to release water from my driveway during the night.
In the morning I looked out and was astonished to see a tunnel dug from near the driveway towards my garden pond. Some animal had enlarged C's ditch.
Then saw who was responsible.
Out of the tunnel ambled a wolf, two foxes and a badger. A veritable wildlife park.
I shouted sons C and R to the window.
I took photos of the vistors.
We went out and peered into the tunnel.
They had stockpiled dog food as if for a seige.
Then saw that my little pond had grown.
It was now part of the North Sea and sported a fine beach.
As if to underline the quality of the sands, day trippers arrived down my driveway with surfboards, picnic tables, the lot.
Life had changed since that shower of rain.

Parsimony Fields

I was at the side of a black field. In fact I think all the ground was black as far as the eye could see.
But things were not as drab as you may think. Everywhere there were patches of gold light shining through.
So either I was living on the sun with a top coat of black or someone had fitted the entire ground with glow lights after painting the earth black.
Or I was dreaming.
I wonder what Occam's Razor would prefer?

Storm Talks

I was going to a beach to meet Kex as, "We need to have a talk."
For some reason I brought a wooden ladder that my Dad had made. Son R was meant to be there as well but declined at the last moment and stayed at home with his pal.
K climbed up some steps into a beach hut on stilts. I stayed at ground level examining a dried up stream bed that obviously carried an immense amount of water in times of storm.
It was scary looking.
No talking yet, I remained at sea level clutching a wooden ladder and K sat up in the air in her beach hut.
Stalemate.

The Grim Van

Heard the chimes of an ice cream van last night. Rushed out to get myself a '99'.
Bit eerie though. The road outside was different, no other houses, a dim avenue of trees. The van seemed unnaturally lurid, sort of glowing grimly in the twilight.
A handsome bearded man and an attractive woman had already bought ice creams and were standing nearby eating them. Neighbours I didn't know.
The ice cream man greeted me like a long lost friend, said he had been waiting for me.
I thought of just getting myself a 99, but then thought my dad and my son and his pal might also like them.
So I ordered ice cream for all, remembering that my dad used to say, "I could go an ice cream".
Then I remembered he had been dead around 8 years.
One ice cream spare.

Floppy Disc

Lately I have been building a curved bench that faces my bonfire pit. Sort of place that I imagine sitting with a glass of wine watching the sunset.
Some of the construction involved long bolts, which still need trimming.
As I binned my angle grinder a few weeks ago, they still stand proud.
However my dream allowed me still to have my angle grinder again which I switched on. It hummed away quite normally.
Going to cut the bolts however resulted in a soft flapping sound.
The angle grinder, particularly the disc, had turned to rubber.
I threw it away in disgust remembering that I had already thrown it away.
Sort of a floppy ghost had taken its place.
Impotence.
Not in the usual department however, but probably elsewhere.

River Trip

Dream control improving slightly.
Last night son C and I were on a small boat travelling down the river Tay towards the North Sea.
The river was a lot narrower than real life and swifter flowing.
Our boat was not quite right for that type of water. Too deep a draft and rather long etc.
So a bit of mental adjustment soon altered the boat's proportions and added a smaller engine.
Off we drifted happily towards the sea, St Andrews and an ice cream.

New World

The world had been taken over by university graduates. Everyone else had been killed, except me. Unlikely.
I hid under some stairs, was spotted by three Oxbridge types, they mulled over how best to kill me, so I stabbed all three.
I headed for a nearby housing estate, looking for other survivors.
Something odd about the pavements.
They glowed a dull red and moved like slow escalators.
One street that I was never very fond of, narrowed until it was virtually impassable.
The Uni Team were making changes, fast.

The Watering

The hippies had taken over a giant, multi story car park. They had planted flowers/vegetables etc almost everywhere in the tons of earth they had imported from somewhere. Bit overpowering.
Shelters had been built for people to live in.
I lived there.
I saw K, who I had stuff to sort out with, also living there.
I asked if she wanted to go for a walk among the levels to chat. No reply.
Instead I got a large watering can and went a walk by myself, doing watering en route.
I watered a large, dry looking central plant.
Satisfying, it seemed to appreciate the water.
I carried on, watering as I walked.
A hard core hippy approached me,
"What are you doing? Are you looking for 'The Ministry'?"
I said that I was just out for a walk.
She carried on and then screamed,
"He has watered Plant Central !"
I looked and saw that the large dry central plant that I had just watered was wriggling and growing into massive proportions.
Sort of a Triffid creature.
Excellent.
An evacuation was in progress.

Warp Power Motorcycle

Just got delivery of a brand new, ultra low power motorcycle.
Set off on my first road trial of the machine. Headed towards Glasgow.
Flat out I could achieve 40mph but that was its total limit. Not very fast.
However if I lowered my head it seemed a bit faster, perhaps it was, streamlining etc.
Tried lowering my head and shoulders a bit more, seemed loads faster, perhaps 60mph.
Lower still, somewhere around my knees, easily 80mph.
However I was pretty sure I was still humming along at 40mph.
Lower still, head near the road, probably hitting the ton, hard to see where I am going.
Reached Broxden roundabout, dual carriageway all the way to Glasgow, nearly a 2 hour journey at 40mph.
Head down onto the tarmac, how do I do it? Seemed like 200mph.
Eyes less than a millimetre above the road, now 500mph easily.
Approaching the molecular level of the tarmac, unbelievable speeds now being reached, measured in the thousands of mph.
Lower still and even lower.
Jump to light speed, zoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom . . . .
Got to watch the bends near the Dunning turn off.
Its all in the mind, or is it?

Schrodinger's Dog

Son C and I were on the living room carpet playing with quantum particles. A whole section of the floor seemed to be in a quantum flux. Bits of carpet were duplicated, appeared and disappeared constantly. Great fun.
Then two men came in the back door, unannounced. One very tall and the other very short.
They had been sent by my local vet on behalf of our deceased dog Max. They were returning old toys, collars, baskets etc of his.
The taller one said to the shorter,
"Guess what these two were doing on the carpet when I came in? F****** quantum stuff !"
Knowing looks were passed between them and then the taller found some chocolate lollipops on top of a cupboard that Max had hid there.
He put them in the fridge (I think) with orders that we were not to eat them and left.
Were they there or not?
Job done.
C and I returned to the world of photons and bosons.

Shots from the Past

I was being chased across mudflats and ran to the shore into a large building. Not sure up till then who was chasing me but spotted V carrying a rifle along one of the corridors. Not seen her for some time.
I quickly got changed into dry clothes before making a break for it out of the building into the town.
A few shots overhead reminded me that I was not out of the woods yet.
Would I never get away?

Constant Supervision Required

I was sitting in my car on some waste ground outside a school. Two workmen were nearby doing something messy.
I was being watched by the school janitor from a little shed.
My reason for being there was that I had some work to do but I was trying to remember what it was. Memory problems.
I looked around and saw 4 bottles of red wine lying alongside 4 original paintings by some old master.
These had been there for some time as I remembered and had been discarded by a friend of mine.
Why had he or someone else not picked them up?
Somehow it was a test.
Should I just take them?
But, I was being watched.
Perhaps I could come back under cover of darkness? They might be gone.
Then I remembered, I had come to pick them up.
Sigh . .

MHC (or less)

Whilst waiting in an airport departure lounge I was approached by a tall, seductive woman who I seemed to recognise. In fact it was S from my old school. She sat on my knee and whispered that she wanted a baby. I was taken aback and flattered in equal measures.
We boarded the same plane, bound for Glasgow. The flight time was around an hour, in which space she intended to conceive, carry and give birth to the child. Her parents were expecting her to arrive with a baby. Whilst stage one may have been possible, I was doubtful of the rest of the programme.
"Perhaps borrow a child?" I ventured.
As she started to undress the aeroplane descended rapidly to sea level and commenced gliding up the river Clyde towards Glasgow. As it was a 747 this was difficult. We banked wildly from side to side, missing bridges, barges and the water by a matter of inches.
This flight path made it difficult to concentrate on the seduction of S, or perhaps the other way around.
We had not even managed stage one by the time Glasgow tower was in sight.
Not a relaxing flight.

Roadside Head

Walking down a road without any landmarks. Then, in the distance a shape appeared to the right. Getting closer I saw that it was a giant, roadside head around twenty feet high.
When I got up to it, I saw that it was covered in weird jewellery. Not just earrings etc but all sorts of stuff, fantastic colours and shapes.
The unsettling part was that the head was alive and looking at me.
A prompt wake up was called for, pity really, might have had a good chat.

A Cool Smoke

I was in a group of mostly lesbian women.
A newcomer arrived, it was a Mrs Mel Gibson. Yes, she was the wife, or rather a female version, of the celebrated film star. She had all his facial characteristics albeit in a female form, most odd.
Anyway she was welcomed with open arms by the lesbian throng, as she presumably gave off some subtle signals that she was that way inclined.
To celebrate they started rolling cigarettes for each other.
Cigarettes with a difference, instead of tobacco, they contained ice cream.
The ultimate in cool smoking.

Visit to the Doctor

I was visiting a doctor's staff room, looking for some pain killers.
It was a staff room with a difference, all my old doctors were there, alive and dead.
I noticed that they were also 'manufacturing' tablets. They would put the raw ingredients into their mouths, roll the stuff around a bit and then spit out around 200 tablets. Dried off and then bottled.
Always wondered how it was done.
Another distraction was the office cleaner.
She was an attractive woman in a tight red floral dress and was lying on a table, squirming around to get the dirt off. She would then carry on this procedure round the other desks etc.
I want one.
Back to the job in hand however. I was handed some drugs, crammed them into my mouth, followed the procedure and out popped the pain killers.
All too easy.
Could be a tad risky though, no doubt the cleaner sometimes had her hands full.