The Third Tray

I was with son C again and we went to a restaurant to collect a tray of food and coffee. It was to deliver to a beautiful woman at a nearby university.
I walked towards where I thought it was but C said I was going the wrong way. By the time we orientated ourselves, everything was cold so we returned for more.
Our next approach was successful as far as direction, but we were prevented from achieving our goal by a green, ghostly JCB digger which would not let us pass.
We returned for yet another tray of food and coffee and got as far as the door to the university but I woke up as we crossed the threshold.
Frustrating.

Fawlty Towers

I was staying the night in a hotel on the northern tip of Scotland. I was with my youngest son and his mother.
I decided to check for fire escapes as we were on the top floor.
I circled the top landing, passing an ongoing, noisy, ball in a big room.
I seemed to circle lower as I circumnavigated the top floor.
Eventually I found myself on a rocky beach outside big pillars which supported the hotel. No problem with a fire escape I thought, although where our room was in relation to where I was, I had no idea.
So I returned, Found my son and sat at a dining table for a meal.
The table and floor sloped alarmingly but we persevered.
Sid James and his mother came and sat at our table. Should be fun.
The waiter arrived and threw food at all the tables for people to catch as they chose.
A rough and unexpected procedure.
Luckily I caught a cup of Earl Grey tea and placed it in front of me.
It promptly slid onto Sid James lap and his mother and I tried to dry it off with pre caught napkins.
At another table sat John Cleese and when he saw the Earl Grey/Sid James caper he promptly jumped up and photographed the scene.
The evening promised well.

Sky World

I looked up into the bright morning sky and saw another world looking down on me.
Instead of the usual blue sky and clouds there were land masses and oceans staring down from on high.
It was difficult to judge the height above but several hundred miles probably.
I wondered about gravity and if it worked, as it must have done, to hold people and water onto the surface. Who were the people up there?
Was there a sort of giant letterbox shaped hole scooped out of the Earth?
If so, I would just be looking at the underside of it.
So, there must be a vertical bit, further in, joining the two bits up, like the inside edge of the letterbox.
If that was the case, I should be able to walk up the vertical bit, to the other bit in the sky.
Obviously there was a lot about the world I did not understand.
Sometimes I think I am mad.

Motorcycling Accident

Last night I worked for the ambulance service. My first call of the day was to a supermarket car park where there had been a motorcycle accident.
It was pretty grim. A motorcyclist lying beside his machine with his left leg some distance away.
I got him and the leg into the ambulance after trying to stop the bleeding and gave him pain killers.
Then I went for my lunch.
After an hour or so I remembered him and drove madly to the hospital, hoping he would be ok.
But the hospital was shut, in fact abandoned for a number of years.
I remembered a new one had been built just around the corner.
I radioed ahead that a one legged motorcyclist was about to arrive.
'Another one!', was the slightly confusing reply.
I pulled up at the front door to be met with an efficient welcoming team.
They opened the ambulance doors and were puzzled at the empty space where I thought I had safely stowed the casualty.
An explanation was obviously due which, unsurprisingly, I was not able to give.

First Contact

I lived in a minister's house with another man. Hmmm, maybe it will come to that. .
Anyway I was sitting in the front room having a bit of quality time with a piece of toast when I heard a struggle in the hallway.
I ran out to check and found the 'other man' struggling with an alien creature.
Another alien was nearby and made towards me.
They were grey in colour and had sort of a featureless face. But they did possess a mouth which was full of teeth.
My friend was being strangled.
First contact in our hallway.
I kicked out at the strangler and was grabbed by alien number two.
The minister appeared, sort of a divine intervention.
But no, he was reduced to crying out 'Good Lord!'
I shouted for him to call for help.
He asked who he should phone.
Anyone I answered, SWAT Team, fire brigade, just ANYONE!
I started to lose consciousness and wake up.

Smoke Alarm

I lived in a block of flats next to an old abandoned house.
I thought of buying the house for a while but never got round to it.
Eventually someone else bought it and my chance was gone.
A few weeks after they moved in, I could smell smoke in my flat.
It seemed to be coming from the walls.
I phoned the fire brigade and out they came, led by Donald the Firefighter.
They started to pull apart the walls.
On a hunch, I went down into the basement and found another underground house extending from the old house next door.
An old woman lived there and the place was full of old furniture, herbs and magical potions.
She had a good going fire lit, the smoke from which found its way up into the flats.
Somehow I wished I had lived there. The place seemed not in this world.
I went upstairs to tell Donald to stop pulling down my walls.

Rabbits

I used to keep pet rabbits. They generally had the run of the garden and lived for years.
Last night I had a dream that I noticed the same rabbits hopping around outside.
I went out to see them and they seemed to grow larger.
Alas, it was an illusion, I was growing smaller.
When I reached them they were the same size as myself.
Feeling a bit more vulnerable than usual, I was glad the dog was still in the house.

Royal Encounter

I was out a walk with Max the dog.
I saw a woman approach, and to my astonishment I realised it was Queen Elizabeth with a royal Corgi on a lead.
Our two dogs met and went through the usual intimate canine introductions.
I thought I would restrict my greeting to a kiss on the Royal cheeks.
Alas I was not acquaint with the proper back stepping footwork that should accompany such a greeting. However she kept me right with a few curt instructions.
We departed somewhat amiably.
Of course the Queen should not be touched at all (should you ever encounter the same situation).

A Rubbish Mobile

I took a bus trip last night. One of the things I do when on a bus or otherwise stationary on a seat is to sort out my pockets. I firstly rummaged through my anorak, which has numerous and sometimes forgotten pockets. I found an assortment of receipts, coins, coloured stones, nuts and bolts, odd pieces of metal and bits of string. Usual boy stuff. Trouser pockets were similar, especially those weird pockets around the knees.
Anyway, returning the coins to one pocket only, I felt I had 'tidied' myself up considerably.
The bus arrived at my destination and I disembarked clutching the detritus in one hand.
I then chucked it all into a rubbish bin in a graceful arc.
To my intense surprise the stuff seemed to catch onto the lamp post holding the bin and all join together to form an incredibly beautiful and tinkling, suspended mobile.
I carefully took it from above the bin and carried it off.
Christmas, sorted.

The Cave

Last night I was at a rocky beach at low tide. There was a prominent sign :-
'Beware Of Strong Currents'
I stood on a rocky platform and wondered why the currents could be so strong. Then I looked behind and to the right. There was a deep cave in the cliffs.
It sloped down to an underground river far below. Geologically unlikely.
I moved closer to the cave, I could hear the river roaring, it seemed to echo inside my head.
So when the tide rose, water would pour down into the cave, together with any unfortunate paddler or swimmer.
Suitably equipped, that could be an adventure and save years of therapy delving into the subconscious.

A Christmas Meal

Felt like a nightmare last night but not so much on reflection.
I was queueing for a Christmas meal in a giant canteen. When my turn came I had to cut my own bit of roast beef. I started to cut but found it was raw. Others behind urged me to cut a bit for them as well. Feeling a bit queasy I just cut my own and got some vegetables as well and headed towards the tables. There were hundreds of tables and people were seated in groups. I found a space and put my plate down and went to look for cutlery. When I returned my plate had disappeared. I looked around and was met by laughter from people around my place. I started to tip the tables in a rage but they were too heavy so I stalked off looking for a dessert.
The drinks and desserts were in huge glass vats full of coloured liquid.
I just wanted a Coke.
Not finding any I scooped a plate of pink liquid.
It was full of wriggling creatures.
Feeling even more queasy I decided that the meal idea had to be abandoned.

Lower Case Mountain

Another climbing adventure last night. I can't see now how I found it so much of a daredevil enterprise at the time. Maybe a sign of my sedentary lifestyle.
Anyway I was with two American climbers and we climbed onto the top of several packing cases, total height of around two metres. The view was stunning and we seemed to be on top of the world.
After a hair raising descent we tucked into beer and porridge. I ate loads until I could simply eat no more.
What was very noticeable was waking up a few minutes later very hungry.
Time for breakfast.

An Unlikely Scenario

Last night I was with a civil engineer on a cliff top in Shetland. We were looking down at the water surging against the cliff base. There was the ruins of an old harbour nearby.
The engineer had a thing that looked like a giant coil type tape measure but made of heavy gauge steel. He flicked it and a steel tape came zooming out and cracked against a bit of the cliff face. The rock cracked and a large chunk fell into the sea.
I stepped back as he systematically destroyed the cliff.I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to build houses on this part of the sea.
Feeling somewhat disturbed I went over to stand by Wullie, an old pal from my Shetland days. He pointed out two small fishing boats that were over some excellent haddock ground.
He wistfully wished he were out there with them.
Because one day it would all be covered by houses.
But no, one day the excellent haddock ground will cover us all up instead.

Stairs Into Time

Time travel last night, albeit of the low tech variety.
I simply had to walk down a staircase and every step corresponded to about a year.
Adjacent to each step stood people I had known during those years.
I remember reaching a particular step and I met a sea faring guy called Tom who I knew around 30 years ago, he had not changed a bit.
I met him more recently digging his garden in his underpants.
An excellent fellow.
Should perhaps have made more use of the stairs whilst I had a chance.

Holiday Red Tape

Still holiday time. This time I had to hand over all my toys to the 'Holiday Keeper Of Toys' before going on holiday. I obtained a receipt for all my Lego, frisbees, cars, trains, drums and such like. All were made of red plastic.
It was not just me that had to undergo such an ordeal and indignity, everyone had to hand over their beloved toys.
So, on return from Butlins or wherever I had been, I joined an orderly queue at the 'Toy Return' section.
When my turn came I handed over my receipt and the toys slowly reappeared. Slowly, as only one woman was on duty for the entire UK.
How could I be sure that the ones I got back were mine as all toys were kept with their peers, eg drums were kept in the drum section etc?
I began to panic, some were possibly different from those I had handed over.
Then order broke down. People got agitated that I was taking too long.
A scuffle ensued.
Punches were exchanged.
Chaos broke out.
With my back to my dubious toys I defended my position.
I had taken on too much, me against the entire toy toting population of the country.
Defeat was inevitable and so I had to wake up.

Another Early Night

Holiday time again. This time it was to Butlins. Probably no one remembers that it even existed in Scotland. Though a web check reveals there are about three left in England, Skegness and such like places.
We (though can't remember who 'we' was) entered the site and found our beds among the thousands visible.
All the beds were set out in rows in a huge field and covered by a massive canvas roof which flapped dismally.
Something like an overgrown field hospital I imagine.
That was it, nothing else. No fun fairs, no restaurant, no discos or whatever these places had.
Fine if you liked staying in your bed all day.
Something I am working up to.

Green Ghosts

In a corridor with son C. Wood lined and pretty scary. Almost dark.
A slightly luminous and ghostly figure appeared in front of us and asked if we wanted some target practice.
I was too shocked to say anything but C replied that we would give it a go.
The figure led us downhill, still in the wood lined corridor into a huge hall.
We walked along an earthy ridge into the middle of the hall.
The hall was lit with an eerie green light and the massive unsupported ceiling sagged downwards in a threatening manner.
It felt that we were far below ground in a place unvisited by humans.
All round the hall, walking and floating were numerous green ghosts.
We were given a gun each and told to shoot at the ghostly figures.
We did this but to no effect. The ghosts only give a grim laugh and went about their business.
Ghosts cannot be simply shot down, they obviously require a different approach.
Therapy beckons.

Broken Sleep

Another dream of sleeping in a bedroom with a glass floor, horrendous drop beneath into my cellars.
No sudden movements, need I say more?

Snow Right

It started to snow last night all across Scotland. Deep soft stuff, excellent for snowmen and the like.
But not white. Mostly white but with a lot of green and red flakes.
Made the world look like one of those McFlurry things.
And it was really cold. Fine if looking out of a warm house or wearing a survival suit.
But everyone was in their underwear and had to build their own shelter from the snow.
Some had fared better than others, and me.
One guy had an igloo thing already well underway. He was sitting inside having a tea break and playing poker.
I would have to get a move on.

Unusual Flight from Egypt.

I had been diving in the Red Sea with a female companion. We were due to fly back to the UK.
I arrived at the airport of Sharm el Sheikh and boarded the aeroplane.
My friend was a bit late and I had arranged to meet her on board.
However I noticed something odd about the aircraft. It seemed to comprise the entire terminal building.
We started to take off. I was concerned not only about the immense size of the aeroplane but that my friend had not yet boarded.
Nothing to worry about though as she had been in the airport terminal and soon made her way to her booked seat.
The flight was surprisingly uneventful and I realised that I obviously knew nothing of modern aviation.
My friend, who seemed to be a mixture of several people, laughed and joked with others around her.
We left the aircraft in the company of another couple who seemed to be aware of some future adventure about which I knew nothing.
I was left to guess.

All at Sea

I had joined the Navy. The American Navy to be precise as I seemed to be a crew member of the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise. A friend of mine had also joined but the problem was neither of us knew where the Enterprise was berthed.
We had been told to board her on the river Tay in Scotland.We had been issued with a magnetic mine between us, in case we ran into enemy shipping en route. Only problem was it was quite heavy.
Another problem occurred to us in that we didn't know who the enemy might be. Russia was probably not an enemy and we were pretty sure that the Taliban or Al-Qaeda didn't have a navy. So, we would have to play it by ear.
Anyway the main problem was finding the aircraft carrier. Obvious place was the harbour, no trace. We looked inland. Perth and Dundee seemed to have fused into one, an unlikely and unhappy merger.
We searched the areas of Urban Unrest such as Letham, Lochee, Muirton and Menzieshill. No Enterprise, nor any enemy shipping.
Then we saw a huge white ship churning its way up into Oakbank, quite a well heeled area. Trouble can errupt anywhere it seems.
We set off to board it, remembering not to attach the mine.

Quality Time With The Children

I was exploring a cave with my two sons, then around 1yr and 10yrs old. The cave was massive and was full of incredible, naturally sculpted shapes, all in dark maroon. There was also a continuously revolving natural cement mixer. It had a curious revolving ring of stone. All seemed strangely alien.
We went outside and I noted that my 1yr old had found some stilts which brought him up to his big brothers height.
We walked towards a sweet shop and 1o yr old son bought some chocolate. I stood behind him in the queue and was helping the shop owner to clear out broken glass from his shop display.
I turned to buy some more chocolate and found that it had all disappeared, to the dismay of my 1yr old.
We went outside and started to walk home. It had heavily snowed in our time in the sweet shop.
Suddenly lightning struck the grassy path in front of us. Not just one bolt but continuous and multi pronged lightning.
Another salvo burst closer to our position. Another behind. It totally destroyed anything it struck.
We ran back towards shelter in the sweet shop. But it had dissolved and had disappeared like a fading dream.
As of course it all was.

Small Girls

Rather annoyingly I forget the first bit of this dream
Anyway I was with a group of men outside in the dark. We were being entertained by a group of 6 inch high, female escorts. They were real and not just dolls.
The cry went out that we needed some more. Not sure what had happened to the others or even what the interaction between us had been. My imagination fails.
I was detailed to obtain the additional girls and went into our dormitory to find some. I searched through some of the lads drawers but could not find any.
Another man entered and I asked him if he had any. He immediately went into his room and came out clutching around six of these rather exquisite little creatures. He asked if they would do and I said that they would do nicely.
I was further annoyed by waking up at this point.

Ice Fall

Another ice climb last night, must be re visiting my lost youth.
It started off with a straightforward 50 degree snow slope. Roped up this time and wearing a black crash helmet.
I reached a small ice cave which oddly enough could also be reached by a subterranean stone staircase. I then switched over to a red crash helmet.
From the ice cave I led up a narrow gully, which consisted of 80 degree ice.
The ice was a bit rotten but I could lay back up the more solid left edge.
I had run out around 100' of rope when I fell off.
I remember wondering how best to land.
Feet first, head first?
I couldn't decide so woke up instead.

A very low ebb.

This morning the tide was very low, much lower than any spring tide. The huge harbour was dry, with the sea murmuring uneasily further down the astonished sand.
Myself and three others decided to walk along beneath the sea wall, feeling like ants.
As the harbour wall approached it towered enormously above our heads. We peered underneath a jetty, it was cavernous and very dark. Ocean going liners departed from this spot.
We walked towards a slipway, green with seaweed, and decided to walk up to its top.
At the top we sat down and wondered what had happened to the sea.
One of the others then got out, rather incongruently, his wedding photos and asked me to look through them.
They were in a weird sort of sepia colour and looked ancient even though the wedding took place just a few weeks ago.
Something else to ponder.

Climbing Through History

Doing a spot of ice climbing with twin ice tools and crampons. No rope.
Not your usual ice fall though. Seemed to be a frozen vertical rubbish dump.
Old pots and pans, bottles, biscuit wrappings and orange peel stuck out of the ice and frozen ash.
Good placements however with the picks and foot fangs, satisfying.
The crux of the ascent arrived with a slightly overhanging pile of frozen magazines.
Appropriately the magazines were old issues of Climber and Mountain.
Somehow it all fitted together.

A New Council House

My mum, dad and myself had come into possession of a new council house.
Mum and I were waiting the arrival of father who was due to arrive in his Morris Traveller with a bottle of wine to celebrate.
We looked out of the metal framed window and saw him park down the road and walk towards us.
He was looking at the house numbers as this would be his first visit.
His face fell as he saw us at looking out of the top window.
We realised at the same time that ours was the only house in the street without a roof.
More damp patches in the ceiling for sure.

Army Issues

I had joined the army and was given a brand new khaki uniform. A bit stiff in the arms and legs but looked pretty smart.
I joined a queue for the handing out of equipment.
I was asked by the commanding officer if I wanted some 'jelly'.
I answered that I did want some, although I was a bit surprised to be handed explosives so early in my army career.
Alas, as you may have guessed, the jelly was on a plate and went wibble wobble and was raspberry flavoured.
I would have to wait a while longer, if ever, to be issued with gelignite.

That Unfinished Job

I was sitting having my tea with my mum and dad at our old council house. Mum pointed out a damp patch on the ceiling. With son C, I went outside to look at the possible cause.
I was astounded to see that there was a hole around 10 feet square in the roof. No tiles or sarking, nothing.
It was where I did roof repairs around twenty years ago. I could not believe that I had forgotten to finish the repair, but there it was, a gaping hole from the past.
C and I then climbed onto the roof to begin repairing the repair.
The roof was now flat instead of pitched and was covered by sheets of loose hardboard and corrugated iron.
Under this flimsy covering roared swirling water of unknown depth.
I was terrified that either C or I would slip through into the torrent.
My roof repair kit consisting of some felt and sticky black stuff seemed woefully inadequate.
No wonder there was a damp patch on the ceiling.

The Rat

I heard a movement in my bedroom. I roused myself from sleep and heard it again. Sort of a scuffling noise. I sat up and put the light on. A movement behind a chest of drawers.
I got up and saw a huge black rat run across the floor and out of the open door into the hallway.
I chased it, together with Max the ancient dog, although I think he was uncertain what the commotion was about.
The rat (genus rattus rattus) darted from cover to cover like some sort of guerilla fighter.
Eventually I cornered it behind the TV set and was set to dispatch it with a poker. Then it disappeared, completely, flicked out of existence.
Then I woke up for the second time, no scufflings, just darkness.