The Third Tray

I was with son C again and we went to a restaurant to collect a tray of food and coffee. It was to deliver to a beautiful woman at a nearby university.
I walked towards where I thought it was but C said I was going the wrong way. By the time we orientated ourselves, everything was cold so we returned for more.
Our next approach was successful as far as direction, but we were prevented from achieving our goal by a green, ghostly JCB digger which would not let us pass.
We returned for yet another tray of food and coffee and got as far as the door to the university but I woke up as we crossed the threshold.
Frustrating.

Fawlty Towers

I was staying the night in a hotel on the northern tip of Scotland. I was with my youngest son and his mother.
I decided to check for fire escapes as we were on the top floor.
I circled the top landing, passing an ongoing, noisy, ball in a big room.
I seemed to circle lower as I circumnavigated the top floor.
Eventually I found myself on a rocky beach outside big pillars which supported the hotel. No problem with a fire escape I thought, although where our room was in relation to where I was, I had no idea.
So I returned, Found my son and sat at a dining table for a meal.
The table and floor sloped alarmingly but we persevered.
Sid James and his mother came and sat at our table. Should be fun.
The waiter arrived and threw food at all the tables for people to catch as they chose.
A rough and unexpected procedure.
Luckily I caught a cup of Earl Grey tea and placed it in front of me.
It promptly slid onto Sid James lap and his mother and I tried to dry it off with pre caught napkins.
At another table sat John Cleese and when he saw the Earl Grey/Sid James caper he promptly jumped up and photographed the scene.
The evening promised well.

Sky World

I looked up into the bright morning sky and saw another world looking down on me.
Instead of the usual blue sky and clouds there were land masses and oceans staring down from on high.
It was difficult to judge the height above but several hundred miles probably.
I wondered about gravity and if it worked, as it must have done, to hold people and water onto the surface. Who were the people up there?
Was there a sort of giant letterbox shaped hole scooped out of the Earth?
If so, I would just be looking at the underside of it.
So, there must be a vertical bit, further in, joining the two bits up, like the inside edge of the letterbox.
If that was the case, I should be able to walk up the vertical bit, to the other bit in the sky.
Obviously there was a lot about the world I did not understand.
Sometimes I think I am mad.

Motorcycling Accident

Last night I worked for the ambulance service. My first call of the day was to a supermarket car park where there had been a motorcycle accident.
It was pretty grim. A motorcyclist lying beside his machine with his left leg some distance away.
I got him and the leg into the ambulance after trying to stop the bleeding and gave him pain killers.
Then I went for my lunch.
After an hour or so I remembered him and drove madly to the hospital, hoping he would be ok.
But the hospital was shut, in fact abandoned for a number of years.
I remembered a new one had been built just around the corner.
I radioed ahead that a one legged motorcyclist was about to arrive.
'Another one!', was the slightly confusing reply.
I pulled up at the front door to be met with an efficient welcoming team.
They opened the ambulance doors and were puzzled at the empty space where I thought I had safely stowed the casualty.
An explanation was obviously due which, unsurprisingly, I was not able to give.

First Contact

I lived in a minister's house with another man. Hmmm, maybe it will come to that. .
Anyway I was sitting in the front room having a bit of quality time with a piece of toast when I heard a struggle in the hallway.
I ran out to check and found the 'other man' struggling with an alien creature.
Another alien was nearby and made towards me.
They were grey in colour and had sort of a featureless face. But they did possess a mouth which was full of teeth.
My friend was being strangled.
First contact in our hallway.
I kicked out at the strangler and was grabbed by alien number two.
The minister appeared, sort of a divine intervention.
But no, he was reduced to crying out 'Good Lord!'
I shouted for him to call for help.
He asked who he should phone.
Anyone I answered, SWAT Team, fire brigade, just ANYONE!
I started to lose consciousness and wake up.

Smoke Alarm

I lived in a block of flats next to an old abandoned house.
I thought of buying the house for a while but never got round to it.
Eventually someone else bought it and my chance was gone.
A few weeks after they moved in, I could smell smoke in my flat.
It seemed to be coming from the walls.
I phoned the fire brigade and out they came, led by Donald the Firefighter.
They started to pull apart the walls.
On a hunch, I went down into the basement and found another underground house extending from the old house next door.
An old woman lived there and the place was full of old furniture, herbs and magical potions.
She had a good going fire lit, the smoke from which found its way up into the flats.
Somehow I wished I had lived there. The place seemed not in this world.
I went upstairs to tell Donald to stop pulling down my walls.

Rabbits

I used to keep pet rabbits. They generally had the run of the garden and lived for years.
Last night I had a dream that I noticed the same rabbits hopping around outside.
I went out to see them and they seemed to grow larger.
Alas, it was an illusion, I was growing smaller.
When I reached them they were the same size as myself.
Feeling a bit more vulnerable than usual, I was glad the dog was still in the house.

Royal Encounter

I was out a walk with Max the dog.
I saw a woman approach, and to my astonishment I realised it was Queen Elizabeth with a royal Corgi on a lead.
Our two dogs met and went through the usual intimate canine introductions.
I thought I would restrict my greeting to a kiss on the Royal cheeks.
Alas I was not acquaint with the proper back stepping footwork that should accompany such a greeting. However she kept me right with a few curt instructions.
We departed somewhat amiably.
Of course the Queen should not be touched at all (should you ever encounter the same situation).

A Rubbish Mobile

I took a bus trip last night. One of the things I do when on a bus or otherwise stationary on a seat is to sort out my pockets. I firstly rummaged through my anorak, which has numerous and sometimes forgotten pockets. I found an assortment of receipts, coins, coloured stones, nuts and bolts, odd pieces of metal and bits of string. Usual boy stuff. Trouser pockets were similar, especially those weird pockets around the knees.
Anyway, returning the coins to one pocket only, I felt I had 'tidied' myself up considerably.
The bus arrived at my destination and I disembarked clutching the detritus in one hand.
I then chucked it all into a rubbish bin in a graceful arc.
To my intense surprise the stuff seemed to catch onto the lamp post holding the bin and all join together to form an incredibly beautiful and tinkling, suspended mobile.
I carefully took it from above the bin and carried it off.
Christmas, sorted.

The Cave

Last night I was at a rocky beach at low tide. There was a prominent sign :-
'Beware Of Strong Currents'
I stood on a rocky platform and wondered why the currents could be so strong. Then I looked behind and to the right. There was a deep cave in the cliffs.
It sloped down to an underground river far below. Geologically unlikely.
I moved closer to the cave, I could hear the river roaring, it seemed to echo inside my head.
So when the tide rose, water would pour down into the cave, together with any unfortunate paddler or swimmer.
Suitably equipped, that could be an adventure and save years of therapy delving into the subconscious.

A Christmas Meal

Felt like a nightmare last night but not so much on reflection.
I was queueing for a Christmas meal in a giant canteen. When my turn came I had to cut my own bit of roast beef. I started to cut but found it was raw. Others behind urged me to cut a bit for them as well. Feeling a bit queasy I just cut my own and got some vegetables as well and headed towards the tables. There were hundreds of tables and people were seated in groups. I found a space and put my plate down and went to look for cutlery. When I returned my plate had disappeared. I looked around and was met by laughter from people around my place. I started to tip the tables in a rage but they were too heavy so I stalked off looking for a dessert.
The drinks and desserts were in huge glass vats full of coloured liquid.
I just wanted a Coke.
Not finding any I scooped a plate of pink liquid.
It was full of wriggling creatures.
Feeling even more queasy I decided that the meal idea had to be abandoned.

Lower Case Mountain

Another climbing adventure last night. I can't see now how I found it so much of a daredevil enterprise at the time. Maybe a sign of my sedentary lifestyle.
Anyway I was with two American climbers and we climbed onto the top of several packing cases, total height of around two metres. The view was stunning and we seemed to be on top of the world.
After a hair raising descent we tucked into beer and porridge. I ate loads until I could simply eat no more.
What was very noticeable was waking up a few minutes later very hungry.
Time for breakfast.

An Unlikely Scenario

Last night I was with a civil engineer on a cliff top in Shetland. We were looking down at the water surging against the cliff base. There was the ruins of an old harbour nearby.
The engineer had a thing that looked like a giant coil type tape measure but made of heavy gauge steel. He flicked it and a steel tape came zooming out and cracked against a bit of the cliff face. The rock cracked and a large chunk fell into the sea.
I stepped back as he systematically destroyed the cliff.I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to build houses on this part of the sea.
Feeling somewhat disturbed I went over to stand by Wullie, an old pal from my Shetland days. He pointed out two small fishing boats that were over some excellent haddock ground.
He wistfully wished he were out there with them.
Because one day it would all be covered by houses.
But no, one day the excellent haddock ground will cover us all up instead.

Stairs Into Time

Time travel last night, albeit of the low tech variety.
I simply had to walk down a staircase and every step corresponded to about a year.
Adjacent to each step stood people I had known during those years.
I remember reaching a particular step and I met a sea faring guy called Tom who I knew around 30 years ago, he had not changed a bit.
I met him more recently digging his garden in his underpants.
An excellent fellow.
Should perhaps have made more use of the stairs whilst I had a chance.

Holiday Red Tape

Still holiday time. This time I had to hand over all my toys to the 'Holiday Keeper Of Toys' before going on holiday. I obtained a receipt for all my Lego, frisbees, cars, trains, drums and such like. All were made of red plastic.
It was not just me that had to undergo such an ordeal and indignity, everyone had to hand over their beloved toys.
So, on return from Butlins or wherever I had been, I joined an orderly queue at the 'Toy Return' section.
When my turn came I handed over my receipt and the toys slowly reappeared. Slowly, as only one woman was on duty for the entire UK.
How could I be sure that the ones I got back were mine as all toys were kept with their peers, eg drums were kept in the drum section etc?
I began to panic, some were possibly different from those I had handed over.
Then order broke down. People got agitated that I was taking too long.
A scuffle ensued.
Punches were exchanged.
Chaos broke out.
With my back to my dubious toys I defended my position.
I had taken on too much, me against the entire toy toting population of the country.
Defeat was inevitable and so I had to wake up.

Another Early Night

Holiday time again. This time it was to Butlins. Probably no one remembers that it even existed in Scotland. Though a web check reveals there are about three left in England, Skegness and such like places.
We (though can't remember who 'we' was) entered the site and found our beds among the thousands visible.
All the beds were set out in rows in a huge field and covered by a massive canvas roof which flapped dismally.
Something like an overgrown field hospital I imagine.
That was it, nothing else. No fun fairs, no restaurant, no discos or whatever these places had.
Fine if you liked staying in your bed all day.
Something I am working up to.

Green Ghosts

In a corridor with son C. Wood lined and pretty scary. Almost dark.
A slightly luminous and ghostly figure appeared in front of us and asked if we wanted some target practice.
I was too shocked to say anything but C replied that we would give it a go.
The figure led us downhill, still in the wood lined corridor into a huge hall.
We walked along an earthy ridge into the middle of the hall.
The hall was lit with an eerie green light and the massive unsupported ceiling sagged downwards in a threatening manner.
It felt that we were far below ground in a place unvisited by humans.
All round the hall, walking and floating were numerous green ghosts.
We were given a gun each and told to shoot at the ghostly figures.
We did this but to no effect. The ghosts only give a grim laugh and went about their business.
Ghosts cannot be simply shot down, they obviously require a different approach.
Therapy beckons.

Broken Sleep

Another dream of sleeping in a bedroom with a glass floor, horrendous drop beneath into my cellars.
No sudden movements, need I say more?

Snow Right

It started to snow last night all across Scotland. Deep soft stuff, excellent for snowmen and the like.
But not white. Mostly white but with a lot of green and red flakes.
Made the world look like one of those McFlurry things.
And it was really cold. Fine if looking out of a warm house or wearing a survival suit.
But everyone was in their underwear and had to build their own shelter from the snow.
Some had fared better than others, and me.
One guy had an igloo thing already well underway. He was sitting inside having a tea break and playing poker.
I would have to get a move on.

Unusual Flight from Egypt.

I had been diving in the Red Sea with a female companion. We were due to fly back to the UK.
I arrived at the airport of Sharm el Sheikh and boarded the aeroplane.
My friend was a bit late and I had arranged to meet her on board.
However I noticed something odd about the aircraft. It seemed to comprise the entire terminal building.
We started to take off. I was concerned not only about the immense size of the aeroplane but that my friend had not yet boarded.
Nothing to worry about though as she had been in the airport terminal and soon made her way to her booked seat.
The flight was surprisingly uneventful and I realised that I obviously knew nothing of modern aviation.
My friend, who seemed to be a mixture of several people, laughed and joked with others around her.
We left the aircraft in the company of another couple who seemed to be aware of some future adventure about which I knew nothing.
I was left to guess.

All at Sea

I had joined the Navy. The American Navy to be precise as I seemed to be a crew member of the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise. A friend of mine had also joined but the problem was neither of us knew where the Enterprise was berthed.
We had been told to board her on the river Tay in Scotland.We had been issued with a magnetic mine between us, in case we ran into enemy shipping en route. Only problem was it was quite heavy.
Another problem occurred to us in that we didn't know who the enemy might be. Russia was probably not an enemy and we were pretty sure that the Taliban or Al-Qaeda didn't have a navy. So, we would have to play it by ear.
Anyway the main problem was finding the aircraft carrier. Obvious place was the harbour, no trace. We looked inland. Perth and Dundee seemed to have fused into one, an unlikely and unhappy merger.
We searched the areas of Urban Unrest such as Letham, Lochee, Muirton and Menzieshill. No Enterprise, nor any enemy shipping.
Then we saw a huge white ship churning its way up into Oakbank, quite a well heeled area. Trouble can errupt anywhere it seems.
We set off to board it, remembering not to attach the mine.

Quality Time With The Children

I was exploring a cave with my two sons, then around 1yr and 10yrs old. The cave was massive and was full of incredible, naturally sculpted shapes, all in dark maroon. There was also a continuously revolving natural cement mixer. It had a curious revolving ring of stone. All seemed strangely alien.
We went outside and I noted that my 1yr old had found some stilts which brought him up to his big brothers height.
We walked towards a sweet shop and 1o yr old son bought some chocolate. I stood behind him in the queue and was helping the shop owner to clear out broken glass from his shop display.
I turned to buy some more chocolate and found that it had all disappeared, to the dismay of my 1yr old.
We went outside and started to walk home. It had heavily snowed in our time in the sweet shop.
Suddenly lightning struck the grassy path in front of us. Not just one bolt but continuous and multi pronged lightning.
Another salvo burst closer to our position. Another behind. It totally destroyed anything it struck.
We ran back towards shelter in the sweet shop. But it had dissolved and had disappeared like a fading dream.
As of course it all was.

Small Girls

Rather annoyingly I forget the first bit of this dream
Anyway I was with a group of men outside in the dark. We were being entertained by a group of 6 inch high, female escorts. They were real and not just dolls.
The cry went out that we needed some more. Not sure what had happened to the others or even what the interaction between us had been. My imagination fails.
I was detailed to obtain the additional girls and went into our dormitory to find some. I searched through some of the lads drawers but could not find any.
Another man entered and I asked him if he had any. He immediately went into his room and came out clutching around six of these rather exquisite little creatures. He asked if they would do and I said that they would do nicely.
I was further annoyed by waking up at this point.

Ice Fall

Another ice climb last night, must be re visiting my lost youth.
It started off with a straightforward 50 degree snow slope. Roped up this time and wearing a black crash helmet.
I reached a small ice cave which oddly enough could also be reached by a subterranean stone staircase. I then switched over to a red crash helmet.
From the ice cave I led up a narrow gully, which consisted of 80 degree ice.
The ice was a bit rotten but I could lay back up the more solid left edge.
I had run out around 100' of rope when I fell off.
I remember wondering how best to land.
Feet first, head first?
I couldn't decide so woke up instead.

A very low ebb.

This morning the tide was very low, much lower than any spring tide. The huge harbour was dry, with the sea murmuring uneasily further down the astonished sand.
Myself and three others decided to walk along beneath the sea wall, feeling like ants.
As the harbour wall approached it towered enormously above our heads. We peered underneath a jetty, it was cavernous and very dark. Ocean going liners departed from this spot.
We walked towards a slipway, green with seaweed, and decided to walk up to its top.
At the top we sat down and wondered what had happened to the sea.
One of the others then got out, rather incongruently, his wedding photos and asked me to look through them.
They were in a weird sort of sepia colour and looked ancient even though the wedding took place just a few weeks ago.
Something else to ponder.

Climbing Through History

Doing a spot of ice climbing with twin ice tools and crampons. No rope.
Not your usual ice fall though. Seemed to be a frozen vertical rubbish dump.
Old pots and pans, bottles, biscuit wrappings and orange peel stuck out of the ice and frozen ash.
Good placements however with the picks and foot fangs, satisfying.
The crux of the ascent arrived with a slightly overhanging pile of frozen magazines.
Appropriately the magazines were old issues of Climber and Mountain.
Somehow it all fitted together.

A New Council House

My mum, dad and myself had come into possession of a new council house.
Mum and I were waiting the arrival of father who was due to arrive in his Morris Traveller with a bottle of wine to celebrate.
We looked out of the metal framed window and saw him park down the road and walk towards us.
He was looking at the house numbers as this would be his first visit.
His face fell as he saw us at looking out of the top window.
We realised at the same time that ours was the only house in the street without a roof.
More damp patches in the ceiling for sure.

Army Issues

I had joined the army and was given a brand new khaki uniform. A bit stiff in the arms and legs but looked pretty smart.
I joined a queue for the handing out of equipment.
I was asked by the commanding officer if I wanted some 'jelly'.
I answered that I did want some, although I was a bit surprised to be handed explosives so early in my army career.
Alas, as you may have guessed, the jelly was on a plate and went wibble wobble and was raspberry flavoured.
I would have to wait a while longer, if ever, to be issued with gelignite.

That Unfinished Job

I was sitting having my tea with my mum and dad at our old council house. Mum pointed out a damp patch on the ceiling. With son C, I went outside to look at the possible cause.
I was astounded to see that there was a hole around 10 feet square in the roof. No tiles or sarking, nothing.
It was where I did roof repairs around twenty years ago. I could not believe that I had forgotten to finish the repair, but there it was, a gaping hole from the past.
C and I then climbed onto the roof to begin repairing the repair.
The roof was now flat instead of pitched and was covered by sheets of loose hardboard and corrugated iron.
Under this flimsy covering roared swirling water of unknown depth.
I was terrified that either C or I would slip through into the torrent.
My roof repair kit consisting of some felt and sticky black stuff seemed woefully inadequate.
No wonder there was a damp patch on the ceiling.

The Rat

I heard a movement in my bedroom. I roused myself from sleep and heard it again. Sort of a scuffling noise. I sat up and put the light on. A movement behind a chest of drawers.
I got up and saw a huge black rat run across the floor and out of the open door into the hallway.
I chased it, together with Max the ancient dog, although I think he was uncertain what the commotion was about.
The rat (genus rattus rattus) darted from cover to cover like some sort of guerilla fighter.
Eventually I cornered it behind the TV set and was set to dispatch it with a poker. Then it disappeared, completely, flicked out of existence.
Then I woke up for the second time, no scufflings, just darkness.

The Gatekeeper

Scariest dream for a while. I was (it seemed) at the very furthest depths of my subconscious, a rarely visited place.
At that place was a strange garden. It had purple, dark green and red vegetation, flowers were mostly a bluish white. There was small hills scattered around with overgrown paths.
I stood at the garden fence. My overnight bag was several feet into the garden and I wanted it back. Main reason was that I wanted the charger for my mobile.
There were a few insects buzzing around but nothing larger. So, I climbed over the fence and tried to lift my bag. But, it had grown into the plants or maybe the other way round.
I tugged and tugged, then became aware of something behind. I looked round and saw a huge black dog staring at me. It seemed to have a massive, raw and natural intelligence and had instantly sized me up. I had to get away and looked at the fence which seemed a million miles away instead of the few actual feet.
I tried to jump but far too late.
I awakened to see a dark figure standing over me.
A blink and it was gone.
Back in my bed, the Underworld faded to a bad memory.

Navigation Asleep.

I find myself in the navigator's chair of a second world war aircraft. I am seated at a desk behind the two pilots. I have a map, compass, watch, ruler, protractor and a pencil.
I can't see where we are going.
What am I meant to do? We have taken off and I am probably supposed to know where we are heading. Not even sure that I know what country we took off from. The pilot will soon turn round and ask for a bearing. To Germany, France or even Britain?
I look at my watch and am relieved that I can still tell the time.
My map is of no help, no GPS arrow to say where we are. That is my job.
With relief I wake up.
Finally, I know where I am.

Trees

Walking along a straight, seemingly endless road. I note how slowly trees on the horizon approach. Or is it me slowly approaching the trees?
I stand still and the trees still approach but much, much slower.
All comes to him who waits.
Not true of course.

The House Next Door.

I went into a birthday party for a one year old new child I seemed to have. The party was in a hotel that we were staying at, and the mother and other children all had pixelated faces. Just as well.
A large group arrives including son C and his friend L. They were fresh from a long walk to see an extinct volcano. I was a bit jealous of their expedition.
It all makes me want to get some fresh air, so I wander outside and walk up a narrow lane past some houses. Out of the first house comes a man just beaming over with excitement. I watch as he enters the neighbours house with the exclamation that he is entering the best house in the world. I am intrigued and watch as several other men enter the same house with the same sentiments.
What is in that house? A brothel, a men's group, another universe, their childhood or whatever men really want?

Iced Memories.

Out for another cycle run. This time I was showing a few friends the attractions of my local housing scheme.
I led the field towards the estate, we could see it glowing white in the distance, like a distant jewel.
The team were suitably impressed as we approached. Gleaming white houses and streets. Everything pristine and new, sparkling. Elegant and smartly dressed people walked purposefully about, teeth gleaming.
I cycled towards the pièce de résistance, the white heart of the scheme.
A brilliantly white council house made of icing sugar, mmm, mouth watering . .
We all stared at the unattainable.
But then I suppose these schemes were the great white hope of the 1950's, and that's what they were like then, (in my memory anyway).

Grand Day Out

I spotted an army tank on a hillside. Climbing up towards it I was headed off by two soldiers carrying machine guns.
As it was a fine day, I thought I would climb the hill anyway. The exercise and the fresh air would be good for me. The soldiers followed and at one point opened up with their weapons, soil and heather erupting all around me. I objected to their behaviour and they explained they were just aerating the dry ground.
Not really believing them I continued my climb, keeping an eye on these cowboys.
I came across a deep gully which promised a quick if exciting and steep way down.
I scrambled down but was dismayed to see that the soldiers were also descending with disconcerting expertise.
They were not happy until I reached the bottom and they wandered off towards their beloved tank. Also I had some exercise and fresh air
Job done.

Elderond

Last night's dream felt really weird. I went along to a 5 a side football match at the local community centre, with my son C.

In the middle of the pitch was a large cage containing a parrot. It was free to a good home. Several people had tried to keep it but without success.

I spoke to the officials who, slightly reluctantly, agreed to give us the parrot.

We went over to the cage and found that the parrot was huge, around 6' tall.

It was dressed in a smart green coat with trousers, scarf, the lot. He introduced himself to us as Elderond. He seemed capable of easily biting us in half.

Elderond seemed more in command of the English language than either of us and questioned us as to our circumstances etc.

We asked if he was willing to walk along to our house and he agreed. His cage would follow on by lorry.

He chatted endlessly as we walked on various subjects, some questions he asked I was at a loss to answer.

His cage had appeared at our old council house and he entered it elegantly. I promised to visit him later.

However I forgot to visit him until much later and took him a piece of cheese. Elderond was visibly upset and wondered why I had not visited. This was not going to work he explained unless I kept my word and that he was treated with more respect.

I agreed that I would in future.

I wondered with a bit of trepidation if he was toilet trained . .

Digging deep

I started to dig in my garden, almost at random. I unearthed a small red weight, like those used on old fashioned balance scales.
Then another and after a bit, one more, each deeper than the previous.
I kept on digging, getting excited by now and gradually unearthing a complete set, together with a red metal box to keep them all safe.
A memory returns of losing them when I was a boy.
Balance is restored.

All at Sea

I was at a Perthshire cottage for an annual visit with my mens group. I looked out of the window and expected to see the usual magnificent view. Instead was leagues of water.
The alpha male of the group, wondered what my problem was with the water. I answered that it was not what I expected. A wooded glen turned into an ocean.
I opened the front door which led out onto a deck and saw that the cottage was in fact a paddle steamer.
I looked down into the clear water and saw that it was really deep with a particular deep bit just under the paddles of the cottage/steamship. The temptation was to dive in for a swim but the deep, menacing part under the paddles was really scary.
I called off my submersion plan and returned back into the cottage.
Defeat.
What was that all about I wonder?

Pub Talk

I went into a pub with an old friend Ian M. The landlord could not believe his eyes when he saw Ian but was incredibly pleased to see him. Probably because Ian had died some years previously.
Anyway drinks were ordered and what's more, were on the house.
I ordered a coke as I was driving.
Stunned silence.
On an occasion such as this! Outrageous.
I was made to order a proper drink to celebrate a Return From The Other Side.

Diving Down to Town

I went diving with son C and two others including Drew our old instructor. I was given the job of Safety Officer, which involved writing stuff onto a pad with an indelible pencil. Big responsibility.
We dived down about 30 metres to a submerged town. Crystal clear water and the town just like it had been when it had been submerged.
I noted things like air pressures and times onto my pad. Probably should have remained on the surface like a proper Safety Officer.
I turned to look around at the town and then back to my fellow divers. They had all disappeared somewhere.
Then, walking along the street, came a man with a small girl. Seemed spooky as they were without diving gear. Like drowned people walking.
I tried to speak to them but they passed me by.
I was getting worried about C and the others. Air would be running out.
Then another small girl appeared wearing a blue dress and stopped to speak.
I asked her if she knew where the divers were and she replied that they were in trouble and would show me where.
I followed her to a nearby Spar shop and saw them inside. They had swum through a lobster pot type of entrance and could not get out. They were clutching bottles of beer and whisky.
I kicked the front door down allowing them to escape.
Drew asked me to note down all what had happened. Good practice he said.
I turned to thank the little girl but she was gone.

Fright Club

I parked my Volvo on a piece of waste ground in a dodgy neighbourhood. I noticed someone had already tried to force open a door. I tried to kick the metal back into shape. As I did so a group of thugs approached brandishing weapons. Scary.
Too many I thought, but I would go down fighting.
I prepared to swing a tyre lever that had luckily just appeared in my hand.
But, I wondered, maybe they are vigilantes protecting the area against apparent car vandals.
No matter, the fight was on and I was knocked into wakefullness.
Phew.

My New Scooter

I had a little scooter, 50cc engine and light enough to be carried in one hand.
I was heading towards Perth to do some shopping. The day was fine and it felt great to be scooting along the open road, no helmet, just sun and wind. Tescos here I come.
Deciding to go the harbour route, I did a right turn, although a turning lorry nearly knocked me from my machine.
A number of lorries and cars overtook me, my speed being pretty insignificant.
The road began to narrow and sweep round to the left. There were no turnoffs.
The road narrowed further, enough to be alarming. I slowed, and the road ended in a set of stone steps.
Where had the other traffic gone? Up the steps? Things were not right.
I picked up the scooter and climbed the stairs. A lengthy flight.
At the top was the harbour and a row of old cottages. Several steam puffers were tied up at the quay.
The people stared at my scooter, a chromium anachronism.
Out of time and place again.

That Half Mark.

I had been given loads of closely typed sheets of paper. They were the questions and answers for an upcoming exam.
I could not be bothered to read through them all, despite the fact that doing so would greatly increase my chances of passing. I remember this sort of thing at school, just not making the effort. Taking my chances as it were.
This sort of thing resulted me in failing my 11+ exam by half a mark. Thus I was channelled into the realms of manual labour or, at a push, blue collar work.
Another half a mark and I would have been ushered into the fabulous world of the white collar lads. Or so I imagined.
Life is full of these nodes.

The Unusual Job

Son C. and I were walking through the streets of a wet, deserted city. We came across a man called Bill. I knew him to be a real outdoor sort, tweeds, fit and usually carrying some sort of weapon.
Bill asked us to follow him, which we did, gradually leaving the wet streets behind.
He took us up onto a hill, which grew gradually steeper.
Near the summit was a grassy hollow, at the bottom of which lay the decomposing body of a middle aged man. Looked like a lost hillwalker. Bill's job, he told us, was to keep tabs on all the undiscovered dead bodies in Scotland. I struggled a bit with the logic of his statement, but that was soon put out of my head when he chopped off the foot of the corpse, using a large axe. Out of the body streamed columns of maggots. This was to show C. the reality of the situation. Even Bill looked a bit pale, never mind C. and myself. It all seemed a bit much.

A new torch and a shave.

I wanted a new torch. So I climbed to the top of a 100' tall tower by a steep iron staircase. At the top was a huge room where a retirement party was in full swing. I asked the retiring guy if he had a torch. He gave me his old one which was a fantastic affair, which seemed would light up the universe.
I thanked him and climbed back down by a vertical pole, scary. At the bottom I found I had to reverse the entire process to open the door to get out.
Exhausted I left clutching my new source of illumination.

Next I went into a chemist for a shave. I opened a trap door in the middle of the floor to access a tap. A black underground river surged around 60' below. I filled a plastic tub with water and managed to clutch Max as he slid towards the opening. The chemist told me to empty used shaving water on the chemist shop roof where it would run down the drainage pipes onto the ground and so into the underground river.
His place, his rules, I suppose.

Ballet Chips

I went into a shopping mall, where I intended to visit a betting shop. I knew how to place a bet and how to win. (Not actually true.)
On arriving at the place where the betting shop should have been I discovered it was now a fish and chip shop. Serving was my friend S. She in fact only served herself fish and chips then came out from behind the counter to speak to me.
We sat outside on a bench. I offered to massage S's feet and noted she was wearing silver ballet shoes.
These shoes had so many laces and straps that we decided it wasn't worth the effort. S then handed me a chip.
Result.

Isolation

Last night I felt that I was totally alone. My choice. But then I realised that I wasn't anywhere remotely familiar. Another planet in a way. I also knew that I had no money. My bank accounts no longer existed.

However I found some chocolate buttons on the floor and quickly scooped them up. Security!I suppose the point is that I have never really been on my own, certainly not for any length of time.

When I awoke there was actually some chocolate buttons on the floor, alas they belonged to the dog.

The painting is one I did earlier, for much the same sort of dream, although that time I was on an alien planet for sure. No chocolate for light years.

Battle in Fife

We had been fighting the Taliban in Fife and were all exhausted.
The evening came around and we retired to some large sheds.
The Taliban leader put his men into one of the sheds, one with a large steel door.
Myself and my men stood outside our shed which was next door to theirs.
It was like putting toys back in their box at the end of the day.
I chatted to their leader who was a small, sturdily built guy with a moustache. He seemed amiable enough and banged on the steel door to keep noise from his men down, so he could hear me better. His men seemed to be making something which involved hammering sheets of armour plate.
He started to tell us of good walks in the St Andrews area. Then, without turning around, he said with the hint of exasperation associated with an irate schoolmaster,
"Brian, put that down!"
The shout was directed to one of my men who was behind him, and had idly picked up the Taliban leaders Kalashnikof rifle.
The leader then told us how the Island of Leuchars could be easily fortified, and was in fact, considering that option.
I thanked him for the information and said it was time we retired into our shed.
It had been a long and unlikely day.

Next Generation Flooring

I lived on the 2nd floor of a block of flats. On the ground floor lived Mr and Mrs C, the first floor being occupied by two gay men. I lived on the second floor with several floors above me, where various individuals lived. On the top floor lived a single woman.
The singular thing about the building was that it was hollow with no floors as such. People lived on balconies around the inner walls.
However floors did exist if you believed they did, but remaining invisible.
The trick was not to lose faith when half way across.
My dog, Max, ambled easily across if he so wished.
I was a lot less confident.
Sitting on a chair on my balcony I gazed down at the two gay men, on a settee, below me. No sign of Mr and Mrs C.
A movement above arrested my attention. Top flat woman had parked her 4 x 4 on her invisible flooring. She then racked up her belief system and, attaching herself to the vehicle's winch, lowered herself through all the floors towards me. I gulped a sort of 'good morning and well done' into some sort of incoherent sentence, and watched as she pressed a button on her remote control, which sent her spiralling up the way she had come.
Out of my reach . . .
The power of thought, it's all in the mind.

Three Soles

I had three breaded soles in my fridge, uncooked. I wanted to give them to Max the dog.
But, I took them to a church service where each person ate a meal whilst listening to the sermon. The three soles remained uncooked and uneaten on my table. The bearded preacher eyed them up.
I then sat outside the church, on the pavement, smoking a Hoyo de Monterrey. The three soles sat in the middle of the road. A man walked over them.
I walked to a nearby sea loch, aware that the soles were not far away. I saw an ugly grey oil tanker approach under the radio control of the uniformed leader of the Burma National Army, who stood on a concrete pedestal out to sea. He headed the tanker ashore at top speed where it churned out of the water and over a low headland, cutting a swathe through some trees and into another sea loch. He then berthed the tanker at some toilets on a pier.
I then thought it was time to go home and headed up to where my Dad had parked the car, which nimbly changed from a Morris 8 into a Volvo 760 as I adjusted to the time period. Still wrong.
My Mum then phoned my mobile saying that I should be elsewhere.
The three soles watched all this with interest.

The Pursuit

I am being chased through the streets of Perth by a man and woman, both known to me and both armed with revolvers. Not sure why they are after me, but must have done something to seriously bug them. People scatter in all directions.
I keep ahead of them, run through the shopping mall and into a shop. I hide under some duvets and they try to find me. Suddenly I am discovered. They aim to shoot. At that moment some friends arrive. The interuption allows me to kick the gun out of the man's hand. Real TV stuff.
I capture the man and the others capture the woman.
I take him to a nearby house where the owner offers us a cup of tea. We gratefully accept.
The captured man spits his out. "It's Earl Grey!" he roars.
I then take him, still with his arm up his back, to my house where I keep a choice of teas for just such an emergency.
Surely the pursuit wasn't just about my preference for Earl Grey? It sets me thinking . .
The journey to the police will have to wait.

Kitchen Clay

I come through to my kitchen in the middle of the night and think that Max the dog has done a turd on the floor.
I head towards it but realise that it can't be what I had assumed as it is several feet high. Scale wrong again.
It is in fact a large lump of potter's clay.
Next it is on my kitchen worktop. Luckily it is of very solid construction.
The clay glares in my direction waiting for me to mold it into something.
Obviously it can't stay where it is and I wonder what to do . .
No change there then.

Holiday Time

Having a few days holiday with youngest son C.
We walk past new crags that have replaced Perth cemetery. Look pretty steep and inaccessable.
We head towards Perth's new beach. We meet a well known blog man and his wife. I tell them we are going to the new ferry terminal. Lot of changes it seems.
C and I walk across the busy beach towards the ferry.
At its far end we climb a very steep, rocky slope, a tad dangerous. I arrive at the top and reach down to give C a hand just as a massive steel door closes behind him.
We surprisingly find ourselves aboard a CalMac ferry bound for the Isle of Lewis.
The Purser greets us and we pay him £1.40 for the crossing which includes dinner.
Seems excellent value.

Weapons of the Mind

Last night I was walking around a town.
I was aware that people could throw invisible balls of 'mind energy' at me, or each other.
I also had the capability of throwing such stuff.
The problem was: If I believed in the whole idea, these balls of energy could really hurt or kill me. However if I did not believe in the idea they were harmless, but I also could not defend myself against them by counter attack using the same weapons.
I therefore walked around meeting people unsure whether to believe in the weapon or not.
It turned into a bit of a nightmare as I thought some of the people were in the house with me when I awoke in darkness. However, luckily, I was still asleep.
Of course all this has some basis in how people interact. If you believe someone is directing negative 'stuff' towards you, you will be effected and vice versa.
An offensive weapon of the mind.

No Place Like Home

Looking for a place to stay. It is late evening, getting dark. A house, a hotel, anything would do.
I see a group of buildings in the distance. A warm, fuzzy group of lights.
I approach the place eagerly.
The buildings and lights remain fuzzy. Even walking closer makes no difference.
I am right up at the buildings and still the outlines are all blurred.
Is it my eyesight? Probably not as other things are in focus.
Entering a building seems impossible. The doors and walls are all a hazy blur, can't distinguish the difference.
I feel shut out. No safe place. Only the night.
Do me good to rough it.

The Bicycle Race

I was about to set off on a bicycle race to Land's End. From where I'm not sure, presumably John O' Groats.
My chain had come off and I got my hands covered in oil trying to put it back.
Only a few minutes to go, then we are off.
I wonder about what will happen at the end of the day. Where will I sleep? What will I eat? What about a change of underwear?
I realise more preparation would not have gone amiss.
Have I got time to pack a rucksack with a few things?
The others all seem unconcerned, dressed in sleek lycra or something.
Bang! We are off!
Too late to do anything.
I pedal away and hope for the best.

Pedestrian Crossing

Odd little dream. It was at the pedestrian crossing at the West end of Princess Street, Edinburgh.
Pedestrians who were intent on crossing the road were given a yellow reflecting jacket by a policeman. They were then directed across the road to be met by another policeman at the far side, who relieved them of the jacket.
The process continued with the next pedestrian etc.
Did fluorescent jackets actually fluoresce, or merely reflect?

Men From Mars

I was wading through an ocean of clear liquid. More dense than water and around 2 feet deep.
The liquid went over the top of the wellies I was wearing.
I thought I was on Mars but there was no red sky.
I reached down into the water and picked up a small elongated bent stone. It looked black but it had clear ends and was totally translucent crystal throughout its length.
Other crystals littered the sea bed.
I saw three people sitting on a tiny island. They were not quite human.
I handed the crystal to one of them, who examined it with interest and passed it to the others.
Somehow it was what they were waiting for.
I moved on towards a group of other people, also in the liquid, then woke up.

Face the Clock

Last night I saw a series of images in which I was in different places in a huge room. Each place corresponded to the position of the hours on a clock.

When in a certain position I would do what I normally did at that time.

As time moved on to the 4pm position, I would move to the 4pm place in the room and so on.

I remember being reluctant to move from the morning to the afternoon and from afternoon to the evening. Never got as far as evening to night. . .

Perhaps about the march of time through life to death at midnight?

No Escape

Woody the cockatiel had escaped out of the back door. I ran out after him to find my back garden was no more. In its place was a narrow peninsula leading out into a swamp. I saw Woody flying out over a stretch of steaming water. He was being pursued by wooden birds of terrifying, but colourful, appearance.

I called for Woody. He was having second thoughts about his new freedom. He swung round and headed towards me. He landed on my arm. The wooden birds screeched angrily around my head.

I ran towards my back door. It was gone. In its place was a round hole in some weird vegetation.

I turned towards the new developments all around me.

Obviously they had to be faced.

The Meaning of Life

I was in an outdoor class. I argued over the use of a certain four letter word. I said I would check it in a dictionary. The nearest dictionary was on a shelf attached near the top of a stone pole which itself was on the top of a small rocky hill.
I climbed up the hill and came to a narrow ravine running horizontally across my path. The summit and pole were not far away but the place was incredibly exposed and scary.
I thought about jumping the ravine but couldn't bring myself to attempt the leap. A railway seemed to rumble along far away at the bottom, below a thin glass roof.
I looked at the stone pole and noted that a rusty vertical ladder was attached to its side and led to the shelf.
A risky jump, a scramble up some loose rock, a steep pull up the ladder and a final long reach was all that lay between me and finding meaning.
Some risks have, perhaps, to be taken.

Religion, Women and Football.

Last night I was sitting in the congregation of a large church.
Not a usual occurence.
Just before the sermon all the men got up and walked out. Excellent I thought, leave me with all the women.
But, I was noticed, and some of the men 'ushered' me out as well.
Apparently we were all going to watch a football match on a large screen.
Not liking football I sat at the very back where I couldn't see the screen.
I spoke to a large, fit looking guy next to me and said that we were all right here, right at the very back, out of sight and sound of the screen.
He glared at me and said that he was the projectionist and also starred in the film.
Football and Religion, if its not one or both, its the other, that's leaving out the women altogether.

The Summit

Climbing a hill in the mist. A huge, rocky and steep hill, perhaps more of a mountain. Nearing the summit. I am aware that someone is climbing up the same hill from the other side.
The mist is more than just a cloud of water droplets, it is an actual barrier that needs to be fought through. Tangible.
Trepidation mounts as the summit approaches.
What will we say to each other?
Whatever. It will be an important meeting.

Crashing Coincidence.

Another from the archives. It was a vivid dream about being the pilot of an aeroplane that was about to crash. I had just taken off and all was ok until the plane banked and nosed down towards the ground. Scary.

By coincidence, later that day a small aeroplane crashed at Glasgow airport just after take off.

The Leather Hill and the UFO

I stood on top of a black leather hill. It was very tempting to slide down its 50 degree slope. At the foot of the slope was a 2 foot high grey fur border. A soft landing. But at the other side of the fur was a 40 foot vertical drop onto a railway line where a diesel locomotive was chuntering away. A hard landing. So, I decided to walk through my old housing estate. I had with me two men. We passed each other an ornately patterned club. Handy for walking about the estate. I looked into the sky where several aeroplane contrails were visible. One was wagging about in a very unnatural manner. Above the trails, unnaturally, was a dark cloud. In the cloud was a giant UFO or steel bird, the size of Dundee or thereabouts. It was black with folded wings. Clouds kept drifting below it. It was very scary looking and seemed to be waiting . . Then a small aircraft flew by with a faltering engine. It flew upside down and crashed behind some houses. White lights shot up into the sky from the crash site. Something was beginning to happen . . . Finally!

Extreme Resolution.

This was an image from a recurring dream in which I let my young son walk across a piece of rotting sackcloth which covered a large hole in the floorboards. Below the hole was a big drop into the basement and deeper. Skeletons from the past were all buried down there.

I always intended to have the hole fixed but never got round to the job. Familiar or what?

Anyway last night's dream featured such a house along with a small cottage and a semi detached villa on a hillside. I was in a shed below the houses when a friend in a small jet, armed with a napalm gun, fired a burst into the air as a demonstration and then roared off over the horizon. The burning napalm fell onto the houses setting them alight.

I stood in the shed holding onto a water tap whilst others fixed a hosepipe onto the tap and extinguished the fires.

I did my bit by turning the tap on but it felt very little compared to the others, some of whom rescued people from the buildings.

More familiar feelings, but at least the hole in my floor job had at last been resolved.

Brain Box

I found a steel box on top of a hill. It was around 3 feet high and divided vertically into two compartments.
I wondered at the time if this was my brain.
There was certainly enough empty space in it.
Also room to keep two parts of my life firmly apart.
It's all fitting together . .

The Crossroads

"Hi George," I shouted across the square. The George in question was a scientist I knew who retired around 40 years ago. He didn't look a day older, always was a young looking guy. His retiral 'do' marked the occasion when he would wear a woman's red dress.
I asked him across to the house where I was staying. The house was a crooked, ancient stone affair.
The place? Well, it was at a crossroads. The roads were narrow and rough. No traffic was ever visible on the road but things and people passed by continuously.
It was the busiest junction in the Universe, right at the very centre, but few ever found it and virtually no one ever stopped. There was around 3 houses and a sort of post office/general store.
I had just been in the shop, which was closing at 6pm. I had been looking for a wooden puppet for my granddaughter. One of the women assistants had taken me into the basement which was an Aladdin's Cave of unusual toys and almost everything else. I said I would come back in the morning, which evinced great surprise as very few people stayed at the crossroads overnight.
Anyway, back to George. I was about to take him into the house when I realised that the woman and daughter inside dated from over 30 years ago. I wished I could introduce him to someone more contemporary. My daughter at least he would like to meet.
But, at that moment I was whisked off along one of the roads, to arrive back in an 8am sunny morning in 2007.

Time Line

Flying along a thin line, red coloured, on the ground.
Faster and faster, past my birth, Primary School, High School, working as a telephone engineer, weather man, faster and faster, loads of little land marks, goals achieved or not achieved . .
On and on . .
Too fast, try and retrace . .
Only works One Way?
Oh no!
The final lesson?

Crystal Life?

I was given a £350 present.
It was a slightly elongated hemispere with a flat glass base. It was 'wearing' a green coat. It had two long flexible arms. I discovered that these were variable focus fibre optics. Each one had a different F number. It seemed to point at things it (or I) might find interesting.
When the arm was pointed at the ground, a hugely magnified picture of the ground would appear on the flat glass (or crystal) base. It looked like the hemisphere was made of solid glass or crystal, with an ability to magnify.
I pointed the arm at a guy called Zak, who was around half a mile distant and doing cartwheels. After a fuzzy few seconds he appeared on the base as if he was about 3 feet away.
Another guy (JF) looked at the hemisphere and said that it appeared alive and 'felt' sentient. I agreed.
But, just because we couldn't decide how it might possibly work was no reason to confer 'life' onto it.
We waited for it to walk off in the huff.

Catching a Bus

I boarded a bus in West Yorkshire. A red double decker armed with two sharp battering rams extending 10 feet out the front.
The driver was furious, he had been 'cut up' by the bus ahead and it was his duty to right the wrong by destroying the hapless bus, driver and passengers.
I held on for dear life as the bus thundered round blind bends, missing oncoming traffic by inches.
I was amazed at the driver's skill.
But, the pursued bus must have been aware of its potential fate and kept just ahead.
Needless to say, everyone missed their stop.
I probably did as well, had I been able to remember where I was going.

Fifty Long Hot Summers

I bought a new Mini (old type) and was driving along a winding coast road with 2 passengers. I picked up 2 more and continued up a steep hill. The car started to stall. I stuck a foot out of the door and assisted the car upwards. Success, summit achieved, just.
I then parked and walked down a narrow track to the sea.
A group of old houses stood on the shore. Also an ancient, wooden, Cadbury Chocolate factory. All peeling paint and rotting wood. People were living inside, like relics from the fifties. Nothing had changed except all were older and more decrepit.
Another dream of me, I know. .

Parrots and Raspberries

In a pet shop and saw a huge, light blue parrot. The man let it out and it landed on my wrist. It started to speak to me like a person would, but instead of listening to the message it was keen to deliver, I dashed off and heard it say "Goodbye," in a pained voice.
I cycled off but walked when I came to a steep hill. Alongside the road were raspberry bushes with raspberries the size of pineapples. They looked and tasted gorgeous.
I photographed one with my mobile and another cyclist up ahead urged me to hurry. Why? I wondered as I was not holding him up. Why did he not taste the raspberries as well?
Then he told me he had a BBQ to organise.
I sort of understood.

Prison Break

I was a prison warder and it was time to go home, it had been a long day. However, I may have been a prisoner and it was the end of my sentence. Whatever, it was time to leave.
As I was about to go out of the door the lights went out. A power failure.
All the cell doors sprung open and prisoners were everywhere.
One big guy, held a knife to my throat and said he was going to kill me.
He lunged at me, folded the knife up and then handed it over.
"No hard feelings?" he said, shaking me by the hand.
I was amazed at the turn around.
Then I looked over my shoulder and saw two guards with chrome plated rifles aiming at my new found friend.
Aah well, that's the way the world works I suppose.

Disturbance in the Night

Was awakened at 3am by the sound of someone on my roof. I looked out to investigate and discovered a building firm starting to insulate my roof and ceilings. There was also a blizzard.
They were stapling padded tinfoil to the underside of the ceilings and further securing it using mock Tudor beams.
I spoke to one of the workmen and he said the Firm never slept. They worked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year round. They took it in turn to doze in one of the vans. Thus they kept ahead of the Competition.
I told the rest of my household that there was nothing to worry about, except the fact that it was snowing in August.

Ascending to the Light

Driving up to a lighthouse for a look around in my new red convertible.

We were met on the approach road by the Keeper who told us to park at the bottom of the hill and make our way up through a dark tunnel which eventually led to the Light.

Whilst taken with the metaphor (even in the dream) I felt lazy and argued over Rights of Passage etc.

My colleagues then convinced me of the Error of my Ways and such like.

I then reversed back down and began the long Ascent.

Out for a Drive

I was driving along a dusty road in Iraq when I had a rear wheel puncture. I was on some sort of Sunday afternoon drive. Luckily I was passing a garage who fitted a new tyre at a reasonable cost. I drove further into the desert and was following a heavy truck when I had another puncture. I pulled over onto the rubbly verge and jacked the rear end up again. I went for my spare but it was all shredded.
A group of tribesman approached from over the sand.
Three armed children walked past, but they were not really children but sort of South Park caricatures.
It was all a bit scary.
Did the AA operate in Iraq? Probably not.
Why was I there in the first place?

The Motorcycle Ride

Sitting around a round table with my 16yr old son and a large group of Hells Angels type motorcyclists. They were instructing him in the lore of their lifestyle and he was mesmerised. Outside was a huge group of Harley-Davidsons glistening in the sun.
I went outside leaving them to chat.
A German friend was waiting for me outside with his Harley-Davidson, driven by his 6 month old son and he was riding pillion. A large horizontal frame type sidecar at right angles to the machine was for me to lie on.
The total width of the combination was thus around 10 feet.
I lay down and we set off, feeling perhaps a trifle anxious.
But I soon fell asleep as we rolled along the sunny, dusty road. Bliss.

Running for No Reason

The train stopped in an open area of country. Border police boarded and started to make their way through the train. I jumped out and made a run for it. Others, presumably with different guilt problems, legged it as well.
I ran along a track and hid under an overhang of turf. I had heard a searching helicopter. I peeked out and saw a long thin pencil like machine, without rotors, hovering overhead. Black helmeted personnel sat in open chairs on either side, peering down.
I ran off again, imagining thermal imaging. I ran into a wooded country estate, past a pipe smoking colonel and his tartan trouser suited daughter. They were both startled and she ran after me. I can easily outrun her I thought. But no, a minute later she was loping alongside, asking me why I was running.
I stopped and said that I had no idea.
"Work on it," she said.

Beaten by German Fork Hunters

Last night I was walking along a country lane with some of my new Ikea cutlery.
The track was muddy and up ahead I saw around 1000 stationary Germans in orderly lines. Perhaps military, I'm not sure. I threaded through them and got ahead of the group.
But to my dismay I found I had lost some of my new forks.
I retraced my steps to search for them.
But, the Germans had been mobilised by their commander and ordered to search the lane for, naturally, old cutlery.
The commander had already found several old forks and spoons.
I ran through the group and an amazing amount of cutlery had been found.
Having no German to explain about my lost Ikea stuff, I had little chance of finding them myself.
Despair.
What a load of tosh.

The Tunnel

Walking through a tunnel under my nearby City. I was with an off duty policewoman. We met a well known businessman, who was present on my first rock climb, Crowberry Ridge on Buchaille Etive Mhor. We chatted and moved on towards the tunnel exit, outside the Clydesdale Bank.
No traffic, no people, just silence.
"Must be a Public Holiday," was the marginally reasonable explanation.
Then I saw two world maps on the diagonally opposite street corner.
A ghostly figure was colouring them in, although the marks were appearing in advance of his brushstrokes. We watched in fascination.
One was a weather map, obvious enough, wind directions predominant.
The other had numerous red blotches surrounded by black fuzzy expanding circles. Some were on the UK.
Then we realised what was going on.
Nuclear War, Armageddon probably.
Back to the Tunnel?

Exploding Cupboards and a Magical Tablecloth.

Two dreams last night.

The first was knowing that something was amiss in the rest of the house. I got up and wandered through from the bedroom and found that all my kitchen units and cupboards had exploded from the inside. Needless to say the place was a mess, stuff everywhere, nothing intact. Real enough perhaps.

Then, an AA patrolman gave me a present of a tablecloth he had picked up abroad. It had clear helium balloons fixed with string every square foot or so. If you peered into each balloon a 3D scene became visible which was of a real place far away. The middle balloon which was the largest was capable of lifting a person up into the air. He demonstrated this by thrusting his arms up into the balloon neck and up he went, tablecloth and all, for a few yards then slowly descending.

I tried it, but too close to overhead power lines, wimped out and woke up, alas, without the tablecloth.

The Baby

I was asleep in a dormitory which appeared to be in the upstairs bedroom of the old council house that I lived in. I was in a chair at the foot of a bed containing my sleeping daughter, who was around one third of her present age. Needless to say I was clutching a baby who belonged to neither of us, but was, luckily, sound asleep.
Then some yob came in and woke up another of his type on the other side of the room. They started to speak and laugh loudly. A muffled "Shhh" came from some other bed. No difference, the noise continued and got louder.
I lost it. I stood up and roared,
" If you c**** don't shut up, I will f****** kill both of you."
Stunned silence, but followed by another faint, "Shhh."
However the baby woke up.
I asked my daughter, who was also now awake, and a bit scared (probably of me), what she fed it on.
She replied, "Corn Flakes."
Having forgotten to bring any, I tried feeding it a tomato I found on a nearby shelf.
We all tried to settle down again, but the sleeping spell in the room had been somewhat broken.
That's why I was awake at 5am.

Everest

A dream about heading towards Everest for a winter ascent. It was a beautiful day and the mountain looked fantastic.

I was wearing a stout pair of shoes and my best anorak. I carried some Kendal Mint Cake and a Scottish flag for the summit.

Training had included walking up my driveway each day to see if the postman was on its way, so the attempt was not undertaken lightly.

After all, how hard could it be?

A Most Peculiar Beach.

I turned off the road heading for The Seaside. Not looking promising but I've heard it is good. A line of factories at the road end.
I approach the run down buildings only to find they are only a front, a wooden facade hiding the most extraordinary beach.
I squeeze through a gap in the wooden brickwork and find sand as far as the eye can see. The sand is wet underfoot as I head to the distant water. The beach dips sharply down and much to my surprise, about 5 miles away and several thousand feet below I see the Proper Seaside Town.
But, it looks like where I am standing has recently been covered by high tide. How does that work? The Town must be under at least 3000 feet of seawater twice a day. Fascinating.
Then I see some of the cast of Still Game run out of a beach hut and swim naked in a nearby rock pool.
Its all too much and I wake up in my nice dry bed, with the tide still out.

Lost in Big Brother House

I fall asleep and find myself in the Big Brother house. I go into the bathroom with around three others with my every move being pointed out by the commentator. Ziggy has just run a bath and has made himself a paper boat. It is incredibly detailed and seems like a fully operational bath going liner. It floats in circles and then it sinks.
Being in the bathroom with the others freaks me out and so I go back into the corridor in my pyjamas. I am then confronted with a BB Open Day which I know nothing about. Various stalls are scattered around and another housemate is lying on her back, pushing with her feet and so propelling herself around between the legs of other people, to their consternation.
I then try to find the bedroom for a lie down, with the commentator still droning on in his weird accent.
I can't find the security of the bedroom but realise that may well be pretty scary anyway.
Where is the Diary Room so I can present my case for release?
I try to silence the Voice but not sure if its real or just in my head.
Luckily I find the door to Waking Up.

Another Planet

A visit to another planet was the subject of this dream. On one side of the mountain I had climbed was a smaller version of the other side.

Weird craft hovered motionless around me. I could see people on the road down on the plain, and on the other side tiny people on the other, much smaller, road.

The sky was pink, an excellent shade.

All very weird.

Mobile Madness

My mobile rang. It was a text from Australia but only the last part. Multiple texts then started to scroll down the screen. Other texts but not for me. Somehow I had accessed Text Central or wherever all these messages come from. Pictures flashed in front of me.
Messages for a million people.
This must be going on all the time. Every nanosecond someone gets a message from somewhere or someone.
Information exchanged for a billion reasons.
Endless messages . . .
I will need a new battery.

Time Travel

This dream was about watching an aeroplane travel through a multi coloured cloud. As well as watching the plane, I was also on board.

As the plane plunged through the different colours we faded from sight and passed backwards into time. The faster we went, the further back.

The past seemed like an endless universe to be explored. Where to go? But, how to land?

Reversing direction would take us to the future. More runways?

Undecided, I awoke to a misty 4am the same night.

A good clear decision never goes wrong.

The Chase

I was being chased by a gang of thugs in an industrial complex. I ran into a factory as I thought they were all friends of mine. Arriving in the centre of the factory floor I realised that either I had run into the wrong premises or the staff had changed. They were colleagues of the thugs. I was surrounded. They grabbed be and threw me into a cage of hot coals.
I was left for some time and then pulled clear.
Much to the consternation of all, including myself, I was completely unscathed.
It just felt like I had suffered a stern reprimand.
Excellent, I could live with that.

The Quarry

I pretended to work at a quarry. Huge pieces of yellow machinery littered the rocky floor. All of them were, for me, used for purposes unknown.
I wandered through the piles of rocks, feeling vaguely vulnerable.
Then I could smell cooking, mmm . . .
I came across a line of men at an open air canteen. Lunchtime.
I joined the queue. It was a sort of rough buffet.
I helped myself to a large bacon sandwich and sat down with some dusty workers to enjoy my hardly deserved gains.
This was the life.

Moon and Venus

Another from the archives. In this dream I got close to the moon, Venus was lying nearby. Also visible was Saturn, Mercury and Mars. It was one of those planetary line ups, some time back. The Moon and Venus, arranged like this was visible a few months ago, just like the painting. The reality was very impressive.

Mind you, what is real? In the dream I thought I was really out in space, nothing to tell me otherwise, apart from , perhaps, my logical mind, which seems to take a holiday during dreaming.

Last night I had a dream, not for current publication, after which I was certain it was not a dream, and lying in my bed was the unreal state.

Everything about the dream was as real as me typing this blog.

Where does the reality lie, if there is such a thing?

The Journey.

After searching the attic of my mind another batch of archive material has been discovered.

This painting was about a dream in myself and a woman who I had just met set off on a long journey through uncharted country. The land was mountainous, dangerous and arid.

It all seemed a bit alien.

We both started off with heavy backpacks but discarded most of it on the way.

The journey's end was unclear and I was not sure if I was up for the task.

Annoyingly the woman seemed more at ease.

We reached a pass, downhill now I thought, and breathed a sigh of relief. Too soon. The mountains stretched as far as the eye could see.

Character building.

This relationship business has no end.

Plane Crash

A beautiful evening at sunset. I decided to go out a walk with the dog. I wandered over a grassy field. A warm wind was gently blowing, storm clouds on the horizon. Growing dark.

Then a roar in the distance, growing louder.

I look up and see a jet airliner approach, headlights blazing, getting lower and lower.

About half a mile away it flips upside down and heads towards me. It is maroon and yellow.

I run like blazes, the dog following.

I have a vision of the upturned pilot fighting with the controls.

The plane crashes upside down into the field I have just left, and bursts into flame.

I stand and stare at sudden death.

Thoughts

Last night I had a lot of little thoughts. I buried them in the ground, around an inch apart, in a 'sieve' pattern. The ground which had been sandy, set like concrete.
Not sure if I wanted the thoughts to 'grow', but that would be the logical outcome. Perhaps 'logical' is the wrong word.
Thoughts solidifying into action.
My aim generally, but so far only partially achieved.

The Canoe

Setting out to sea in a second hand canoe, just the two of us.
Idly paddling.
Gazing round wistfully at the shore, which had of course disappeared.
Both of us facing the same way but not at each other.
Good thing perhaps as I probably look terrified.
Dip, pull, dip, pull, dip, pull, ad nauseum.
Where will it all end, should have shelled out for life jackets after all.
The sea is devoid of road signs, roundabouts or markings of any sort.
Need some sort of instinct.
Would just be happy with some sort of popular science intuition.

All this is of course to come, as I have just bought a rather clumsy looking, ex hire, non sea going canoe at a knock down price.
First fine day . .

Insect Man

I was a super hero named Insect Man. I chased a tiny red spider that an evil terrorist had put at the side of a swimming pool. It was going to swim along a damp floor and drop down into the pool. It would then bite and kill a passing swimmer. I chased it along the poolside just keeping it in sight with my magnifying vision. I then squashed it into a red mess with my super powered trainers.
I then set out looking for new insects to terrorise.

Cycle of Life and Death

Envisage the scene. A tall grey castle on top of a grassy hill. A blazing sun. A few flecks of high cirrus. A gentle breeze. The castle has two doors, one on top of the hill and a lower, main door, further down.
I emerge from the higher door with another man, both running. Around a dozen orcs and goblins attack us with razor sharp swords, bows and arrows. We are also armed with short stubby swords. I turn to attack two identical goblin twins, stabbing both through the chest. We run down the hill towards the safety of the lower door. Black arrows whizz past. I wait for the piercing pain of a hit.
I know what the arrows and swords feel like as they enter my flesh. This is not the first attack by the Tolkienesque band of warriors.
I know that we will have to go through the castle again and again, emerge from the upper door and run the gauntlet of the goblin/orc band. Sometimes we do not survive.
Must be a resolution waiting to be found.
Perhaps I need therapy.

Heure

I looked at my watch and discovered that I could no longer tell the time as the watch face had converted itself into French.
My shortest post yet.

Trailer Derby

Standing outside my house watching the cars and lorries going by on the nearby motorway. Suddenly two artic trailers zoom by apparently racing each other. Its only the trailers, not the power units.
One veers off the road and hurtles towards me but luckily swerves to one side of the house.
I stagger up to look again and more trailers are roaring along the motorway, ramming each other to get in front.
I decide against taking the car to the shops.
Has the world gone mad?

The Underground

Found a cave under a hill, and looked inside.
It was an Aladdin's cave of old tinplate railways. An endless underground station, rusty and neglected from the 1950's. Somehow all connected to my father. In fact, it may have been an aspect of him, somehow.
The cave was only around half a metre high, but I was able to walk around in it, explore.
The tracks seemed to go on forever, as did the cobwebs.
I started to walk further in and the way back seemed to get less clear.
Perhaps to go on was a strictly one way affair.
I returned to what I thought was the 'Way Out'

"A Quarter of Nodes Please"

I visited a dimly remembered sweet shop that existed in Burghmuir Road in the fifties. It was at the furthest point of my safety zone. The shelves were full of sweet jars and tins of biscuits. Quantities were ladled into paper bags at your request.
I stood wondering what choice to make.
This choice would effect the direction of my life for years to come, which probably meant forever.
With pardonable hesitation I pointed at a jar.
The choice has been made. .

Hailstorm Cafe

Went to a cafe for a meal with another man. I was jealous that he had a new spoon and mine was an old spoon that had probably been used by thousands of other diners. We went outside to sit, him up a hill under a tall tree and me a few hundred yards away under another tall tree. A hailstorm then broke out. Isolated from each other we consumed our meals, me with an old spoon and him with a new spoon.
So, this is what it's like to eat out with another man?
Don't think I am homophobic, but, I mean . .

The Revolving Field

Walking alongside a ploughed field. Felt wonderful just to be alive. I was paying careful attention to the side of the field, watching stones, earth, plants as they passed me by. A round sphere of grass approached jumping around. Thought a rat must be inside but no, it was a kitten. Then I realised that I was standing still and the ploughed field was slowly revolving past me, like a carousel, a massive power being involved.
I then acknowledged that I knew nothing of how the world worked.
Even awake I still wonder . .

Scary Dream

Walking through my house last night, aware of being followed. Turned round to face whoever it was, slowly reversing. Remembered never to walk backwards in a haunted house, as something horrid is always behind you. Watching scary movies has paid off. Turned round and started to run, aware that the house is full of unseen people, watching. Not many places to run to in the house without ending in a cul de sac. Must make more doors.
Who am I kidding, find difficulty in changing the loo roll.
Why is real daylight so reassuring and ghosts reside only in the sleeping mind. Or do they?

The Auction

Running down a steep, grassy hill with my girlfriend. We were heading towards a car auction half way down the hill. It was a white Saab of around 1970 vintage. The car belonged to my aunt Alice, who died around 25 years ago. She was present and was also the auctioneer. Other relatives were all around. My girlfriend overshot the auction and stopped downhill, and slowly returned. The others asked who she was and I said her name was Alice. The auctioneer and my girlfriend seemed then to be the one person. The bidding was to start at £500. The car was worth several times this as it was in 'as new' condition. I thought I would put in the starting bid, which I did. I then realised that it was a fix, as they intended to give me the car for the £500, a real bargain.

Tea Break.

Sitting at the side of two small pools of water. I was a soldier with my rifle and about 5 of us were having a cup of Earl Grey. Heard a helicopter approach, a twin rotor affair. Landed alongside us and pilot jumped out and warned us about the old woman at the other side of the road.
She has cropped up before.
Thought about shooting her.
Perhaps not yet.

Heavy Rain Forecast

Not sure why I chose this picture today (my birthday). Perhaps its because its the last one from the archives. Painted it after my Dad died. He was always fond of steam engines.

Anyway, raining heavily this morning. Hope it clears up before the bbq on Saturday.

Life goes on until it doesn't.

The Journey

Decided to go out a ride on my bicycle. First I had to push the bicycle up a very steep, icy, snow covered hill. I met two other cyclists on their way up the hill. They warned me not to speak to the old woman at the top. She had a lot of legal, emotional and physical power. I wondered what they were talking about. Then I saw her, an old woman shuffling towards me. I recognised her, a woman from Dundee. I hoped she would pass, but no, she spotted me and called me across. She started to explain why everyone feared her. But she was merely the Gate Keeper, the Edge Figure guarding the boundary of another world.
Could I negotiate passed her to the Other Side?

Two visitors only

Myself and a friend were visiting a patient in the local hospital. I noticed The Editor and Isabelle had also entered and made their way to the far end of the ward. They were giving each patient a sweet and a kiss on the forehead. I thought, "So this is what they do to redress the balance." I said to my friend that she would get a chance to meet them both. I then lay with my head on the bed to receive the two proferred gifts. However I was rumbled before that memorable event occurred and I successfully woke myself up.

Another day at the office.

Coming home to 'Police Line, Do Not Cross' tape around an empty space where my house used to be. My wife however was still around to tell me that I would still have to keep on working to make up for the shortfall of having no house. I turned the car around and headed for London, saying that I would be back in around 4 hours, idly wondering where my house had gone.
Then I realised that I had no idea how far London was, had no wife, had no work in London to go to or even in what direction to head for London.
However I drove on hoping that things would be made clearer as the day progressed.
No change there then.

Quarry women

A visit to a disused marble quarry on a remote island at sunset. Heard a trundling noise and then saw an old unmanned tractor pulling a string of small stone filled trailers.

Two blonde women were sitting on the last trailer, laughing and legs dangling. They were incredibly beautiful but super scary in a Hammer House of Horror sort of way. I was sweating in case they caught my eye, but they passed on without incident.

Mmm, Doughnut House

I had just finished building myself a circular house in the shape of a half doughnut or perhaps torus is the right word. It was made of turf and glass and looked great. However I needed to roll the circular piece of ground flat in the centre so I decided to take the roller up the sides and over the roof. However I reasoned that the roller would fall through and wished I had built the house around the roller. How would I then retrieve the roller?
Trying to work out this small conundrum I awoke.

Red Dye

Walking through a dark garden, a dream path through sleep. At the end of the path lay morning, glowing dimly. Off the path were dark tunnels surrounded by foliage and rocks, entrances into dreams. These joined up to the main path later in the night. A red glow was visible on the ground ahead. I side stepped this and headed towards morning.
A midnight walk last night enabled me to stand in some red dye and see Jupiter, Venus and a brilliant satellite passing overhead.

A birthday wave

A friend came to my house to give me two birthday presents. The first was a breaking ocean wave around 3 m high, made of crystal clear water, which was continuously moving in the same place.

The second present was an old picture which was completely black, as was the frame. The picture was for telling the future, the idea being that by staring at it images appeared. I looked at it and immediately recognised it as something I had painted myself a long long time ago. I asked my friend to look on the back of the picture and sure enough there was my signature.

Excellent presents both.

The Stripper

I walked into my house where a plasterer was at work. He asked who had done the previous wall repairs, since the walls had many layers of plaster, paint and wall paper on them. He told me that to achieve a good finish I would have to completely scrape the walls clear of all this stuff.
Have no idea how this corresponds to my current process.....

The Hole

In this dream I was walking along a terrace between two steeply inclined ploughed fields. I came to a bench that had four friends sitting on it. Above them was a huge mound of new earth. I looked beyond that and saw that an enormous hole or tunnel had opened up in the earth. All of the earth had come out but stopped short of my friends on the bench. The hole had an extremely strange and frightening atmosphere, reminiscent of Carsaig, Isle of Mull.
This entry made at one of the numerous internet cafes on Isle of Iona.

Affair of the Heart

Not quite a dream but a glimpse out of the jaws of death. It was the occasion of my cardiac arrest brought on by another relationship crisis, poor diet and other not quite random factors.

The day started with more than my usual amount of lethargy, pins and needles and an unwillingness to face that all was not well. Persuaded by son to phone the doctor who declined to attend but sent an ambulance instead. A wired up wait in a hospital bed with doctor and male nurse staring at me expectantly. With good reason it turned out as I suddenly felt dreadful, tried to get out of bed and fell onto the floor.

Dead for over two minutes before revival, a modest amount compared to those in 'Flatliners'.

Non survivable if outside the Cardiac Care Unit I was later informed.

Anyway, no tunnel of light, angelic choir or fiery pit. Non existence instead, impossible to describe but only known about as I climbed out of it into the above picture. Like I had never existed. Then a sudden rush of awareness like a gale entering the back of my head with all my memories and programming, a total re boot. Born again into the world which was spinning around with fragments of doctors, nurses and shiny equipment. They slowly came together and a female voice said "He's back!"

If I felt ill before, I now felt ten times worse, with a two hour adventure into extreme pain coming up as they tried to insert a pacing wire down my neck into my heart.

I slowly felt really grateful to the hospital staff, the NHS and a host of machinery.

I had been given another chance.

However my relationship woes were not yet over, but that's another story. . .

But I have cut down on the lard sandwiches.

All I have to do now is make the most of being alive, jings.